New Theme; Loss of Friends

I used Fiverr to buy art for the header. I figured that while I have two incomes, buying an image that I customized with the help of an artist would be a good investment. I've tried separating out my emotions this week to see exactly what I was feeling, and about what. I've established in my head that  yes, he was a shitty husband. Yes, many gals would have left him earlier. Yes, others would say I am fortunate to be relatively unscathed (physically) after your spouse beats the crap out of you. Those are not the parts I am grieving.

Grappling with the Loss of Friends and In-Laws

One of the things that I am going to miss the most regarding my divorce are the friends we made as a couple, and my in-laws. I have (had?) some pretty great in-laws. It sucks that they haven't really reached out to me since finding out about him leaving. It makes me wonder what he's told them. That is a rabbit hole I don't want to go down.

I love a lot of the people who were in our lives, and it is going to suck to let them go. My mother-in-law was kind and generous to a fault, if a bit naive and religion-obsessed (kind of surprised she hasn't contacted me, actually). My father-in-law cheated on my mother-in-law, and married the Other Woman, who turned out not to be as evil as I would have thought. The Other Woman, i.e., my stepmother-in-law, was the most supportive out of any of them.

Weird.

Anyways. That and our friends we've made over the almost 10 years together. Most of them are unaware of what's happened. I don't really feel like announcing what's happened to Facebookland. I kind of scroll through, and make mental wagers with myself about which friend will side with whom. Yeah, there will be people that believe my ex. He'll probably breeze them off with a Didn't Work Out explanation, or a She's Crazy excuse as to why we are no longer together. Either way, there will be people that side with him, people who don't really understand the full story. Boy Shoves and Injures Girl. Girl Asks for Couples' Therapy. Boy Leaves.

Actually, put that way, it kinda helps me understand the situation with some clarity. He was shitty to me, never acted like he cared or wanted to be married, and bailed after severely injuring me.

What an asshole.

Angry, feisty me is dominant this week.

Couple of thoughts:

1. You will probably ask: If he hurt you, why did you stay?

I always thought I'd be the badass bitch that peaces out if she encountered domestic abuse. Well, it's a lot more complicated than I realized. Even though the abuser is an asshole, it doesn't negate your feelings for him. Basically, you are asked to let things go, or you have to make a decision about how or if to leave an abusive situation, i.e., is it a one-off thing? In our case, it seemed to be. I made the decision to try and stay because A) we had a lot of time and financial energy invested in each other and B) I was scared to be on my own. I'll probably do a separate post on that.

2. You also may be wondering why I am upset at him leaving, if he was so shitty. As much as we don't like to admit it, we can be in love with toxic and crappy people. It hurt that he was able to just easily throw away nearly a decade together after what he did to me. That's the crux of the matter. Imagine being told via actions that you are a worthless piece of shit, and then you are once again, for all time, worthless to that person. That sucks! Again, probably worth a separate post.

I am in a better headspace this week than last, and I know this will vacillate. I'll be hurt, hurt-angry, angry-pissed, and so on. Eventually, I think I'll just be whatever. I know at a certain point, I'll cease being angry and hurt and just not care as much. That's probably the best goalpost for measuring whether or not I've moved on.